🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|